The Letter

It came a few weeks ago in the mail. It was surrounded by all the other mail - bills and junk. The hand writing on it was luminous and spoke of past haunts. The return address was left blank, signifying a need for no reply. I've looked at it over and over again. Trying to rationalize it in my mind. But, I just can't. And I can't get myself to do the act of opening it. There are words inside, I am sure, that will not be easy to take.

It's sitting beside me right now as I pen these words. It glows in its stark contrast to everything around it. It beckons me to tear it open and to read what is inside. But, I keep resisting, keep pushing it away from my view. I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to face what is written inside. I don't want any part of it because it scares me. I know there will be things in it that I will have to face, have to deal with. And, I don't have the strength to handle that. I don't have the desire to face the reality of what it holds inside. Yeah, it's just paper and words but it's a lot more than that to me.

So, I sit staring at it and watching it turn from white to brown. There is no way I can get myself to do it. It's better off thrown in the trash. To be forgotten forever. The words will hurt and I don't need that now. The pain that it will bring, in reading it, is way too much for me to bear. It will never be opened and probably will never be thrown away. But, it will always be there as a constant reminder of things untold, of hurt, of pain, of sorrow and of regret. A letter holding too closely to the past, to things that need to be forgotten. A letter I will never open to read.


mp3 The Letter

Black Heart Procession - The Spell


mp3 Tear Stained Letter

Johnny Cash - American IV: The Man Comes Around


mp3 Unopened Letter To The World

The Ataris - So Long, Astoria


mp3 A Letter From Home

Ulrich Schnauss - A Strangely Isolated Place


mp3 Love Letter

Mekons - I Love Mekons


mp3 Have You Forgotten

Red House Painters - Vanilla Sky (Soundtrack)

Summer Rain

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During the summer, down here on the Florida East Coast, we typically get a brief rain shower in the late afternoon. I don't know all the reasons why it happens that way but it usually does. Lately, we have been getting a lot of storms, more than usual. It may be odd to say but I like these summer rain showers. There is something cleansing about these storms and the rain. And there is also something beautiful when it is mixed with thunder and lightning. I know that may sound weird to some but I love it when a good summer storm comes through. It puts me a relaxed mood, hearing the lovely patter of rain coming down. I guess it is the recluse in me, listening to the storm and just chilling out alone with my thoughts.

And after the rain comes through, everything outside seems so fresh and clean. It's mother nature's way of cleaning out the air and feeding the plants, trees and grass. It is a cycle that I welcome and feel right about. It speaks of renewal and refreshing the planet. I thank God for the rain, the storms and the regeneration that they bring to my world.

“Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear.” - Unknown

“Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain” - Unknown

“The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“In our lives there is bound to come some pain, surely as there are storms and falling rain; just believe that the one who holds the storms will bring the sun.” - Unknown

“I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain; What a wonderful feeling, I'm happy again.” - Arthur Freed

“And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.” - G. K. Chesterton

“How often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.” - William Faulkner


mp3 Life In Rain

Remy Zero - Villa Elaine


mp3 Lord Let It Rain On Me

Spiritualized - Amazing Grace


mp3 Lazy Rain

(Smog) - Rain On Lens


mp3 English Summer Rain

Placebo - Sleeping With Ghosts


mp3 Come Another Rain Down

Brightblack Morning Light - Brightback Morning Light


mp3 After The Rain Has Fallen

Sting - Brand New Day

Make It

Not one of my better posts. Not doing very well today and just trying to MAKE it through the day, one step at a time. But it isn't easy. All I can do is try and try again. Will I ever really make it? I am not sure but all I know is I can't stop trying.....


You can make it

That's what they all say

The road is littered with obstacles

The path is narrow and winding

You struggle through the maze

You struggle through the haze

There is darkness all around you

Except for that small, fading light at the end

You crawl towards it, knowing that it holds the answer

But it keeps moving further and further away from your grasp

You reach out for it, try to hold onto something

You are bloody, bruised and tired

But you can't stop now, you keep going

Keep pushing, Keep pushing

You can make it, you can make it

The goal is the light at the end

The goal is making it, in the end

You can make it, you can make it


mp3 Make It

Campfire Girls - Tell Them Hi


mp3 Make Me Shine

Echo & The Bunnymen - Flowers


mp3 Life's What You Make It

Talk Talk - The Colour Of Spring


mp3 Make Your Move

Delgados - The Great Eastern


mp3 Whatever Makes You Happy

Powderfinger - Odyssey Number Five


mp3 Not Enough To Make You Happy

54-40 - Goodbye Flatland

Popular

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Yeah, I always wanted to be one of the popular ones. Always wanted to fit into the crowd. It was something I longed for but could never achieve. Growing up I was a loner and to this day I am still a loner. I don't possess the necessary skills to fit into the popular crowd. I am not witty, not very social, don't have a lot of friends and lack the 'talents' needed to really fit into the world. I am a kind, compassionate and gentle person by nature but I lack the 'outgoing' part needed to be someone popular.

I truly envy the people out there who are in the popular crowd. The ones who always have all the wit and always say the right thing. There are a lot of cliques in this world and I have never fitted into them. It's just not me. In fact, I subconsciously do my best to avoid them. Well, not entirely. I do somewhat enjoy the social networking things like Twitter and Facebook. They allow me to at least get somewhat involved. But, the fact is they are easier to handle since I can hide behind the comfort of my computer screen. However, the sad part about these social tools is they are also filled with all kinds of cliques. And, a lot of the time I feel like I am not a part of them. That I am on the outside looking in. Spying on other peoples lives and hiding in my shell.

I don't think this popular thing is ever going to change for me. I am older now and set in my ways. So, I learn to co-exist the best that I can. I push myself to engage via things like Twitter and Facebook. And, I push myself to engage with the world itself. It's not fun being on the outside looking in but it is now a fact of my life. I just wish that one day I truly would be a part of something and recognized as being part of the crowd. It's only a wish though. One that I doubt will ever come true in my lifetime.


mp3 Popular

Nada Surf - High/Low


mp3 Hoist Up The Popular Ones

Centro-Matic - Redo The Stacks


mp3 Hanging Crowds

Finlay - The Fall Of Mary


mp3 I'm In With The Out Crowd

The Jesus & Mary Chain - Come On


mp3 The Loner

Neil Young - Decade


mp3 Inside Outside

Warlocks - Phoenix

Summer Mix - Part II

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I grew up in the beautiful state of New Hampshire. My memories of growing up there are some of the best memories that I have of my life. Summer time was the best by far. Every year, after school was done, we would pack it up and head for our summer cottage on Lake Winnipesaukee. These were days filled with wonder and fun. We had a wonderful cottage, a boat and the fantastic surroundings of the White Mountains. Our days were filled with water skiing, fishing, swimming and enjoying the awesome New Hampshire summer weather. Our cottage was on the beautiful Meredith Bay, nestled among the mountains. It was spectacular scenery and a beauty to behold.

I remember many things - the day I caught my first Bass fishing, the day I slalom water skiied, hiking through the hills behind our cottage, having cookouts by the water, 4th of July with the fireworks over the lake and many, many other stellar memories. These memories of summer on the lake will always be with me until the day I die. I long to go back there and spend some time revisiting the places I enjoyed so much.

I am so thankful to my parents for providing these experiences for me during summertime. Everyday was truly a unique and fun filled time. There are a lot of beautiful places in the world but to me Lake Winnipesaukee will always be the #1 place in my heart. And summer will always be my favorite season because of this.


mp3 Endless Summer

Zwan - Mary Star Of The Sea


mp3 Someone Somewhere In The Summertime

Simple Minds - Glittering Prize


mp3 Summer Gold

Eaves - The Eaves


mp3 Rock The Lake

Radar Brothers - And The Surrounding Mountains


mp3 Sun On Water

Justin Sullivan - Navigating By The Stars


mp3 Rock My Boat (Ft. Mia Doi Todd)

Dntel - Dumb Luck

Summer Mix - Part I

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Well, needless to say, summer is probably my most favorite season of the year. Down here in Florida it is hard sometimes to distinguish seasonal changes. Although, at times we do get some pretty chilly weather. But, for the most part it is usually sunny and warm. However, summer down here is downright hot and humid. I have a hard time getting out these days even though I live only a half mile from the beach. I just can't get myself out - severe agoraphobia. Plus, the fact that I've gained a lot of weight these days and don't look too appealing in a bathing suit. ;-(

I am working on a more proper full length summer mix with some new tunes included. Hopefully, I can get that done soon so I can share it with you. Stay tuned and enjoy your summer!


“Summer is the time when one sheds one's tensions with one's clothes, and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit. A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all's right with the world.” - Ada Louise Huxtable

“Summer afternoon, summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language” - Henry James

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time” - John Lubbock

“Warm summer sun, shine kindly here. Warm southern wind, blow softly here. Green sod above, lie light, lie light. Good night, dear Heart, Good night, good night.” - Mark Twain


mp3 Summer

The Church - Forget Yourself


mp3 Summersong

The Decemberists - The Crane Wife


mp3 Beach Party Tonight

Yo La Tengo - Summer Sun


mp3 Sun

Burning Spear - Dry & Heavy


mp3 Heat Walks Against Me

Seafood - As The Cry Flows


mp3 On Some Faraway Beach

Brian Eno - Here Come The Warm Jets

You Never Really Wanted Me There

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You never really wanted me there. I tried, so hard, I wanted to be there with you. But, I just couldn't do it. And you went on your merry way, doing what you do best. You are a socialite, a debutante - someone who has a ton of friends. You are not a lonely person. I really needed you too. But, you didn't care whether I showed up or not. You had too many other distractions, too many other people to be with. There was never any concern from you about my state of affairs, my state of mind. You just skim the surface, always trying to be in the spotlight. Me, I am not that way. I am an introvert, closed into myself. I just can't be you, that is the problem. And you want me to be you. I can't be who you think I should be. And, I am too old now to change. I am not at peace with myself and I think deep down inside you knew that. And you took advantage of that to make me feel guilty and hurt.

You can have your life and all your wonderful friends. I don't want any part of it anymore. If you really cared, you would be there when I needed you the most. But, you weren't. You were off galavanting with your social circle, oblivious to me and my needs. I don't care about you anymore. I would rather be alone than to have to face another day of your false life. The time we spent together will only be a memory now. And, not a cherished memory at that. Rather, a memory I want to forget as quickly as it comes to my mind. So, take your fancy life, your circle of friends and your wants somewhere else. I don't need this shit anymore. Goodbye, you won't be missed.

mp3 Goodbye

Asobi Seksu - Citrus


mp3 Goodbye To All That

Her Next Friend - Disaster Casual


mp3 I Need To Say Goodbye

Vast - Nude


mp3 Say Goodbye

Ivy - Guestroom


mp3 Song For Saying Goodbye

Sunbear - Sunbear


mp3 She Brings Me Only Sorrow

Rubyhorse - Goodbye To All That